Marriage is a beautiful thing that God
ordained even from the time of creation but as beautiful as marriage is, it is
also a serious business meant for adults alone. The word ‘adult’ is mentioned
here because of the mentality of some people in marriage who simply think that
marriage is all about “I love you”. Every marriage is faced with daunting
challenges but the ability or sagacity of the couples to withstand those
challenges is what
counts.
Millions of people around the world bemoan the fact that their marriage is
plagued by neglect, boredom, infidelity, betrayal, money issues, or the threat
of divorce. It might seem like there are no options for them, but there are ways
to get the marriage back on track.
There are actually no hard and fast
rules regarding the best ways of dealing with marital challenges. Those in
marriages will readily testify that happiness in marriage is as essential as
food is for hunger. But then, if marital challenges are handled the right
manner then the couples become more mature and grow in the marriage but if
marital issues are handled wrongly then you have a broken home and bitter
memories of the union; leaving the children (if any) stranded and traumatized.
This essay will not attempt to dabble
into the issues that led to collapse of marriages but to proffer solutions (to
some extent) that could restore the marriage. How should I do this? The answer
to this question is indeed tricky because it is only the couples themselves
that can make the decision.
The first step towards restoration of that broken or
seemingly broken marriage is to believe tha it is possible. One thing you should keep in Mind, even if your spouse seems
unwilling to work on the marriage, is that you can start the healing process on
your own. The moment you believe in the possibility that the word ‘broken’
that prefixes that marriage can be replaced with ‘successful’ then that is the
first crucial step towards restoration. Fortunately,
if you’re feeling helpless and lost in your relationship, you can still get
answers. Even if your partner is resistant at first, you can singlehandedly
help to restore intimacy, rebuild trust, and strengthen your connection.
The second crucial step is for the
individuals to re-examine the part both played in the whole episode; your mind
may insist that you are right and that you should stick by that, that you have
done nothing wrong but ask yourself whether in the sight of God, do you stand
justified? Because the Holy Scriptures declares that “Our righteousness is like
a filthy rag before God”. That is exactly why you have to loosen up and not be
so hard on your stand and allow for a forthright opinion.
Again there is no perfect relationship
or institution anywhere but the greatest lesson, or weapon every thriving
marriage has today is understanding; with understanding you discover the ways
to navigate the challenges of the marriage.
Therefore understanding and the correct application of wisdom will
always give us an edge over other failed or troubled marriages.
The next important step in the
restoration of that broken marriage is to have
a session where the couples will have a quiet time together to re-
consider the issues that led to the collapse of that marriage and frankly
accept responsibility for ones action in the whole drama. The main idea is to focus on restoring the connection and
put the past in the past. Stop the
ego-driven power struggle while in discussion. Don't be a "right-fighter".
Is it worth destroying your marriage so you can be right in every argument?
Make a promise to work on your marriage every single day — not just during the
bad times, but also during the good ones.
Some people will believe that jumping
into another marriage is the answer but have they bothered to strip themselves
of that baggage there were carrying because if they did enter into another
marriage with that mentality then sooner or later the issues that led to the
collapse of the first marriage will re-surface and rock the second marriage. So
jumping into another marriage should not be the option, still give your first
marriage the chance to succeed notwithstanding the seeming breakdown.
Again, wrong mindset; most people with
broken marriages may have foreclosed the settlement option and refuse all
entreaties to settlement. In that case, you hear all sorts of name calling on
part of the couples. Some of these problems may have been blown out of
proportion because the couples have allowed too much outsider interference. The
couple should cut off every outsider to their marriage and interface with one
another.
Other issues that the couples have to
re-examine are; to what extent were they transparent with other? Were they
actually physically intimate and again did they fulfill their responsibilities
as husband and wife/ if there are children; what is the fate of those children.
What kind of lesson were they teaching them?
The honest answers to these questions will enable
them to retrace those steps and put the healing process in place. It is not too
late; you can rescue your relationship and reconnect with your partner. Mind
you, it may not be easy but it will surely worth the while.
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