Monday, 20 October 2014

PILLAR OF SUPPORT



 The things a woman must do to have a successful marriage.
PILLAR OF SUPPORT
The strongest impact a woman aiming to make a difference in her marriage is to act as a pillar of support for that marriage. Pillar of support is actually an all encompassing word and include all the ingredients of a motherly role, sister and friend combined to compliment the man’s effort in moving the marriage forward. The man expects total reliance on the woman. Every mother for instance, shows love, understanding, communicates, refusing to give up on her child etc that is what a man expects from a wife. At the same time a true friend should be able to lay down his life for another and so on for a sister etc.
With the combination of these virtues in a woman a man will go at length to satisfy that woman. The woman would hold a special place in the heart of the man.

It is sad these days to see women create so many gaps between them and their spouses by their utterances and actions and still expect the marriage to succeed.
Be committed to the success of the marriage. When some people are committed to the success of a thing, they give it their best in order for it to succeed. In the same vein, commitment to the success of the marriage should be of utmost priority in every woman’s agenda.
 Pay close attention and communicate regularly with your spouse. Some women call their husband their lord and that is how it should be seen. A wife who wants to distinguish herself in marriage should learn to communicate regularly and pay close enough attention to her husband. Communication holds the key to every successful marriage and in fact bridges the gap we inadvertently create in our marriage, when a woman imbibes this art; she is much more likely to see a great change in her marriage. Communication and attention should transcend beyond the ordinary and even goes to the minute details of the marriage which may be sex or issues effecting the children, house keep etc.
Be appreciative and never criticize unnecessarily, another crucial step for a woman to creating a successful marriage is to appreciate the man you have no matter what and regardless of the situation. Appreciating your spouse i.e., being grateful that you have him and never confront or unnecessarily criticizing him are effective weapons to strengthen the foundation of that marriage.



Encourage and learn to respect him. The problem here is that most women have become so familiar with their husband that they hardly respect their spouse again not to talk of encouraging him. Familiarity is good in marriage but the moment it begins to degrade your spouse effort it becomes questionable. Again encouraging your spouse can take the form of trying to know from time to time to know what is happening in his business or work place, health etc thereby showing some level of concern.
Never assume anything and learn to forgive.  The issue here is that wrong assumption especially on part of the woman towards her   spouse and bearing or nursing grudges overtime have rocked rather than strengthen most marriage institutions. Clearly discuss issues as they arise and also have a forgiving heart when you are offended as these will help to solidify that union. Women should learn to stop carrying bag gages at any point in time in their marriage

Be happy and humorous. Women should go extra mile to lighten up, stop carrying burdens or act as if the world is about to collapse under your feet. Be humorous, search for happiness, Remember, challenges will always come and go but your sagacity is what matters. 






Other critical steps to strengthen the foundation of most marriages and create happiness are for the women to be physically intimate with their spouse, be transparent in your dealings, fulfill your responsibilities as a wife and focus on the long term vision which is to help the man by helping the marriage succeed.
Finally, women should know that creating an ideal home starts by getting clear on what they want and choosing to create it are the ideal qualities or ingredients that will make a happy home.
 







Wednesday, 1 October 2014

Marriage and Relationship


SALVAGING A BROKEN MARRIAGE EVEN WHEN THE OTHER PARTNER RESISTS


Marriage is a beautiful thing that God ordained even from the time of creation but as beautiful as marriage is, it is also a serious business meant for adults alone. The word ‘adult’ is mentioned here because of the mentality of some people in marriage who simply think that marriage is all about “I love you”. Every marriage is faced with daunting challenges but the ability or sagacity of the couples to withstand those challenges is what
counts. Millions of people around the world bemoan the fact that their marriage is plagued by neglect, boredom, infidelity, betrayal, money issues, or the threat of divorce. It might seem like there are no options for them, but there are ways to get the marriage back on track.

There are actually no hard and fast rules regarding the best ways of dealing with marital challenges. Those in marriages will readily testify that happiness in marriage is as essential as food is for hunger. But then, if marital challenges are handled the right manner then the couples become more mature and grow in the marriage but if marital issues are handled wrongly then you have a broken home and bitter memories of the union; leaving the children (if any)  stranded and traumatized.

This essay will not attempt to dabble into the issues that led to collapse of marriages but to proffer solutions (to some extent) that could restore the marriage. How should I do this? The answer to this question is indeed tricky because it is only the couples themselves that can make the decision.

The first step towards restoration of that broken or seemingly broken marriage is to believe tha it is possible. One thing you should keep in Mind, even if your spouse seems unwilling to work on the marriage, is that you can start the healing process on your own.  The moment you  believe in the possibility that the word ‘broken’ that prefixes that marriage can be replaced with ‘successful’ then that is the first crucial step towards restoration. Fortunately, if you’re feeling helpless and lost in your relationship, you can still get answers. Even if your partner is resistant at first, you can singlehandedly help to restore intimacy, rebuild trust, and strengthen your connection.


The second crucial step is for the individuals to re-examine the part both played in the whole episode; your mind may insist that you are right and that you should stick by that, that you have done nothing wrong but ask yourself whether in the sight of God, do you stand justified? Because the Holy Scriptures declares that “Our righteousness is like a filthy rag before God”. That is exactly why you have to loosen up and not be so hard on your stand and allow for a forthright opinion.

Again there is no perfect relationship or institution anywhere but the greatest lesson, or weapon every thriving marriage has today is understanding; with understanding you discover the ways to navigate the challenges of the marriage.  Therefore understanding and the correct application of wisdom will always give us an edge over other failed or troubled marriages.

The next important step in the restoration of that broken marriage is to have  a session where the couples will have a quiet time together to re- consider the issues that led to the collapse of that marriage and frankly accept responsibility for ones action in the whole drama. The main idea is to focus on restoring the connection and put the past in the past.  Stop the ego-driven power struggle while in discussion. Don't be a "right-fighter". Is it worth destroying your marriage so you can be right in every argument? Make a promise to work on your marriage every single day — not just during the bad times, but also during the good ones.

Some people will believe that jumping into another marriage is the answer but have they bothered to strip themselves of that baggage there were carrying because if they did enter into another marriage with that mentality then sooner or later the issues that led to the collapse of the first marriage will re-surface and rock the second marriage. So jumping into another marriage should not be the option, still give your first marriage the chance to succeed notwithstanding the seeming breakdown.

Again, wrong mindset; most people with broken marriages may have foreclosed the settlement option and refuse all entreaties to settlement. In that case, you hear all sorts of name calling on part of the couples. Some of these problems may have been blown out of proportion because the couples have allowed too much outsider interference. The couple should cut off every outsider to their marriage and interface with one another.

Other issues that the couples have to re-examine are; to what extent were they transparent with other? Were they actually physically intimate and again did they fulfill their responsibilities as husband and wife/ if there are children; what is the fate of those children. What kind of lesson were they teaching them?

The honest answers to these questions will enable them to retrace those steps and put the healing process in place. It is not too late; you can rescue your relationship and reconnect with your partner. Mind you, it may not be easy but it will surely worth the while.